Day 5

A lot of things happened between the previous blog post.

I have been traveling through the cities of D.C., Philly, New York, Jersey shores, and Boston.

I have been busy with preparing for the upcoming first year at a law school.

And I have not been praying.

Hence, Day 5 post comes after several weeks.

Shame.

I have realized couple of things.
When I pray, I feel better, and generally more peaceful.
I am at ease with myself, and I can handle my stress, discouraging thoughts, and my ego.

But, when I do not pray, I am uncomfortable.
I find myself quarreling inside myself - almost constantly.

It is just like what Paul said in Romans 7.

¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

My feeling exactly.

I once found that I can beat the evil sinner inside of me.
It is only through prayer and meditation upon his word and holy spirit
that I am able to fight the evil inside me and carry out the good that is in me.

Without prayer, evil sinner cannot be beaten.
Only through prayer.
I will cling to prayer once again.
God help me.

Day 4

I had an awesome experience today!!
Now I understand - in part - why
King David praised the Lord in his times of distress!!


Psalm 18 is one of my favorite psalms.
It starts with -
1 I will love You, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
         My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; 
         My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.


Then, all of a sudden King David goes emo -
4 The pangs of death surrounded me,
         And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me;
         The snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD,
         And cried out to my God; 
         He heard my voice from His temple, 
         And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. 


Then after a while, he describes how he is delivered in detail - 
16 He sent from above, He took me;
         He drew me out of many waters.
28 For You will light my lamp;
         The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
29 For by You I can run against a troop,
         By my God I can leap over a wall.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
         And sets me on my high places.
34 He teaches my hands to make war,
         So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 
43 You have delivered me from the strivings of the people;
         You have made me the head of the nations; 
         A people I have not known shall serve me.


And he ends the psalm with a strong triumphant praise!! -
46 The LORD lives!
         Blessed be my Rock! 
         Let the God of my salvation be exalted.
50 Great deliverance He gives to His king,
         And shows mercy to His anointed, 
         To David and his descendants forevermore.


I used to love this psalm because I loved the expression "my Rock."


But now, after years of disregard, Psalm 18 has once again "enlightened my darkness."


I was feeling really distressed yesterday and today.
I wanted to pray, but somehow, for some reason,
I was not concentrated.
I had lost the flickering spirit.
But tonight, as I was praying, 
Holy Spirit fanned into flame and put His words in my mouth.


He revived me, and he spoke through me.
He told me I was fearfully and wonderfully made.
I had no reason to fear the evil for the evil will fear me.
He told me to pray and to walk in his ways - faithfully and diligently.
Like yesterday's word in Proverbs,
as I turned at his rebuke,
he poured his spirit onto me
and made his words known to me.


I praise God for his awesome wonders!!
It is truly unbelievable, 
but he answers all my prayers!!


The LORD lives!
Blessed be my Rock! 
Let the God of my salvation be exalted.


Thank you God -
Because of your grace, I have triumphed.
And because of your grace, I can sleep in peace tonight. :]




Everyday an offering to you Father God.

Day 3

Praying everyday is really difficult.
It's only been three days, 
and it already feels different from the past few days 
when I was all fired up. 
[God help me... fan into flame...]


When I started, 
I knew my feelings and the passions would dissipate.
I have been through this stage before - 
spiritual roller coaster ride -
hitting highs and lows every year, month, 
and sometimes in a single day.


That is one of the reason why I started this journal via blog.


I know I could have done it privately in a notebook,
but I deliberately chose to write it in a public domain to hold myself accountable.
I have wrote diaries before. 
It is filled with words that I cannot write or express in public domain.
I am bitter, and I am sour.
I am a bad@$$ to the core, and I am not proud of it.
That is why I write in public domain.
To hold myself accountable, and to change the way I express myself -
deliberately putting myself in public scrutiny,
so I would articulate myself clearly and cleanly.


Starting yesterday, 
I decided to read and memorize verses from the book of Proverbs.
I changed my alarm title to 'proverbs and pray' 
and have set the time to 6:30 AM
to remind myself to read Proverbs and pray 
and meditate as soon as I wake up.


This is the verse that have struck my heart in chapter one.



Turn at my rebuke;
Surely I will pour out my spirit on you;
I will make my words known to you. 
Proverbs 1:23


Amen.

Everyday an offering to you Father God.

Day 2

I had a eureka moment today.


It is written that our body is a temple - 
Flee from sexual immorality. 
All other sins a person commits are outside the body, 
but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, 
who is in you, whom you have received from God? 
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. 
Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20


Well, what do we do in our temples? -
"Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; 
for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.”
Isaiah 56:7


"House of prayer for all nations."


That phrase struck me.


As I lead my days with prayers, 
and as I take time to meditate upon his guidance, 
it seems clearer that
he leads me with his words,
he protects me with his shields,
he shows me what to pray for,
and that he provides me with things to pray for.


Before I started this, I only had a vague idea of 
how I will carry out this enormous task.
I started, because I was burdened at heart.
But praying seems to become easier with just doing.
No more hesitations!
No more anxieties!
No more uncertainties!
No more laziness and wickedness!


Just pray -
"for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations."


God, extend my territorial boundaries of prayer.
Help me have a greater thinking and a bigger heart.
Break me, Mold me, and Shape me Father.
Keep showing me what to pray for.


Everyday an offering to you Father God.

Day 1

I sometimes wonder what was going through the mind of Solomon 
when he was offering 'a thousand burnt offerings' on the altar -


Solomon showed his love for the LORD 
by walking according to the instructions given him 
by his father David, except 
that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places.
The king went to Gibeon to offer sacrifices, 
for that was the most important high place, 
and Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar.
1 Kings 3:3-4


It clearly says that Solomon offered sacrifices to other gods as well.
And it is unclear whether Solomon offered 
a thousand burnt offerings to God or some other gods - 
or perhaps to all gods ...


However, as if drawn, strangely, in Solomon, I see myself.
I love God, and I humble myself before him.
But, I still sin, and that is a sad truth.


As God knew Solomon, and all his imperfections,
God surely knows me - 
more than I know about myself.


Though I am not perfect,
I will be offering my thousand burnt offerings.
It will not be like how Solomon did it exactly.
Because of Jesus, I will no longer need to offer him unblemished animals.
Instead, I will devote fifty cents a day.
Also, my offerings will be stretched out in the span of a thousand days.


And in my journey, I will undoubtedly sin
and my offerings will be with blemishes.
But I believe God will look past my sins and the blemishes -
for God is a merciful God, who is abounding in love and spirit.

I pray that my offerings be pleasing to God -

that God will bless me like he did Solomon,
that he would enlarge my territories,
and that he would deliver me from the evils.


Immanuel!


Everyday an offering to God.